Being nice – the positives and the negatives

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“Why are you so nice?”¬† Not “you are so nice”, but “why are you so nice?”. I sent the shrugging emoji and told him “I just am”. It’s true, I am nice, too fucking nice sometimes. This seems to be the common ground when I’m dating, I’m often struck with the “you’re too good for me” and my confidence is blown to shit because I can’t stand up for myself.

I haven’t always been nice, as a child I was selfish and indulgent and still am to an extent of being human but I can put my hand on my heart and say I have never purposely tried to hurt someone. I know many of you reading this have never purposely hurt someone either and I’m not claiming to be a saint but sometimes it occurs to me, am I too nice?

I often go out of my way to please people. I’m assuming it’s my zodiac sign, pisces. Compassionate, gentle and with a desire to escape reality. Oh, and a victim. I often comment on girls Instagrams photo’s telling them how beautiful, stylish and cool they are which is true, they are and they need to be told. However I often find myself so focused on pleasing other people I forget to please myself.

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It’s partly because I’m afraid. It’s the typical victim scenario. I remember constantly trying to please the school bully, smiling at her and telling her I liked her outfit. Like, dude, why the fuck would I do that? But I guess it’s just the way I am. I’m terrible at saying no because I’m so afraid of the consequences.

My anxiety tells me I’m only doing this to make myself feel better but my normal brain tells me it’s just the way I am. Of course, I will never stop being nice but how do I stop it from getting in the way of my desires? I’ve decided to rule up the positives and negatives of niceness and am incredibly surprised at how much niceness correlates with being scared.

POSITIVES

Better relationships

Well duh, people aren’t going to like you if you’re not nice.

It feels good 

OK, maybe it’s selfish but being told I’ve made someone smile makes me so happy.

Tests your limits

Years working in customer service has made me the most patient person in the world. Smiling and nodding back to an angry customer is honestly hilarious.

You’re a nice person

Well fuck YEA I am, I know in my heart I’m not a bad person and never will be

NEGATIVES

People see you as weak

It’s true. I am missing my backbone.

You forget to be nice to yourself

Boy oh boy is that true. I spend so much time commenting on random girls Instagram pictures telling them how beautiful, stylish and inspiring they are I sometimes forget to tell myself this.

You say sorry far too much

I literally apologise for the most stupid shit that I should not be apologising for

You don’t know how else to function

It’s taken years for me to start speaking more assertively. I can’t tell you how much I’ve kept my mouth shut and have been screaming inside. This is unhealthy as fuck, if you’re still doing it please stop.

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I often find myself in a constant dilemma attempting to figure out “Who am I?” and I’m not alone. As someone who suffers from anxiety and a constant worry of people disliking me, I often keep quiet in situations because I don’t want to cause a fuss. I know I’m a good person and I like the person I am but will this stop me from being the person I want to be?

Do you often find yourself feeling like you’re “too nice”? Let me know in the comments.

 

 

 

 

 

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